This week I miscarried for the third time. I was only five and a half weeks along, so it wasn't as difficult as some of my past miscarriages. I think the best part about this miscarriage, in comparison to my past miscarriages, is that I still have hope. I have hope that we will be able to carry another child to full term. I have hope that we won't have to try for three years to have a baby like we did the last time. And I have hope that the emotional upheaval of this process will not be as damaging to my marital relationship as it has been in the past. I just have HOPE that all will be okay and FAITH that it is all in the Lord's hands and He will work things out for my good.
It is amazing the difference a change of attitude can make. I did not have hope after my last two miscarriages and they were DEVASTATING! I allowed the difficult time to really put myself and my family through the ringer. I didn't understand why the Lord didn't care about my heartache and give me a baby right away. I didn't understand why my husband didn't understand how difficult this was for me and why he wasn't more sympathetic. And, I didn't understand why everyone else seemed to be getting pregnant around me and I couldn't even have a second child.
Life really was quite the pity party for me. What changed my attitude? I realized that the Lord wasn't going to bless me with a child until I learned my lesson and part of that lesson was accepting His timing. I went through a lot of humbling experiences in the process and eventually came to the conclusion that when it was right, I would be blessed with another child. Apparently part of that timing was my husband finishing school, finding a job, and buying a house. We were pregnant shortly after all of those things happened and we even delivered a healthy little girl 9 months later!
Now I am starting the process over and I have decided that this time around I am going to rely on the Lord more and try with all I have in me to not give into the woe is me. And the thing I hope for most this time around? I HOPE that I will be able to stay positive and trust in the Lord throughout this entire process, even if it is another 3 years or even more.
I know this post of yours is forever old, but I just wanted to say thank you for sharing such beautiful sentiments. I hope that it is all going better and that you are able to have another baby soon. Miscarriages are so difficult. My sister has had 4 and it has been a difficult and growing experience for her. Good luck. I hope to hear good news soon. Hope that you can hold onto the faith and hope you have tightly!
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